Afterwards represents two years of my life. Two years within the shadow of violence. Two years of fighting one thing I’m desperately attempting to understand, however won’t ever perceive: violence towards ladies. This movie has left an indelible mark on me. It has not solely modified my perspective, but in addition my relationship with the world round me. Throughout the course of of creating it, I dedicated my ideas, my fears, and my worries to a pocket book that traces my evolution over the course of the venture. The entries beneath are a compilation of excerpts from this journal of the movie’s creation.
February 15, 2022, 1:42 PM
Analysis: Finish of the preliminary examine section
It’s already been three months since I began my in-depth analysis on the topic, diving into studying and watching a variety of content material. I’ve been flooded with info, statistics, and numbers, and I really feel assaulted and deeply outraged by the violence being perpetrated. Some days, I can’t face it. I’m frozen, paralyzed, exhausted, enraged. I’ve to maintain it collectively, to not be swallowed alive by this work. How will I deal with this topic? How can I inform these tales?
Might 10, 2022, 11:47 PM
Analysis: First time assembly the group at Maison La Traverse
Inside the home, I felt as if I have been enclosed in a bubble, lower off from the world, each protected and unfindable. On the finish of the night, when it was time to depart and return to my “regular life,” it felt unusual. These ladies are right here, hidden, and no one is aware of it. They needed to flee their properties to take refuge right here, and reside with strangers. The collective ignorance in regards to the state of affairs felt brutal. I used to be overwhelmed with guilt, as if I used to be abandoning the ladies, leaving them behind to return “residence.”
September 29, 2022, 11:12 PM
Pre-production: Assembly the movie’s protagonists
Tonight, I met the ladies who would be the protagonists. All the way in which residence, I felt like I had a knot in my abdomen and a pointy ache tugging at my throat. The tears wouldn’t cease rolling down my cheeks. They are going to be “the movie.” Arriving again at my condo, I be taught there’s been one other femicide, the 11th in Quebec throughout 2022. After all, the ladies I used to be with just some hours earlier have all recognized the concern of dying, however at present they have been with me. Alive. The shock and horror tear me up inside.
October 28, 2022, 11:34 PM
Manufacturing: First day of recording sound
Immediately marked the primary day of recording — sound solely, as a result of we wish to proceed slowly and progressively. I’ve spent months listening to them, alone, immersed of their tales. However at present, a sound recordist is with us, sitting in on the session. My producer is on the opposite aspect of the door — hidden, however listening. I can nonetheless see the mic, aimed toward them, transferring round above their heads. I savoured that picture. The easy act of recording them moved me tremendously. They every regarded on the increase mic in flip, and launched themselves, cautiously. I savoured this picture. The easy act of recording them made me deeply emotional. At that second, I knew we have been beginning off on an journey collectively. Lastly, their voices could be heard.
November 6, 2022, 8:07 PM
Manufacturing: Eve of the primary day of taking pictures
Immediately, the night earlier than we begin filming, my emotions and my ideas are roiled by emotion. Over the previous couple of months, I’ve typically felt like I’m on their lonesome, going through this enormous and horrifying subject. I even fear about not having the ability to full the venture — not being up for dealing with the scope and gravity of the topic. Feeling a duty to truthfully depict the ability popping out of that group, and to do it justice, makes me wish to dive in, but in addition generally has me feeling frozen. These survivors, who’re so sturdy and resilient, depart me shaken every single day. Regardless of my fears and doubts, I attempt to keep true to my values, telling myself that the perfect concepts are those that scare us. So, I’m diving in — terrified, but in addition sturdy, able to assist these ladies’s voices.
December 7, 2022, 7:48 PM
Manufacturing: Eve of the final day of filming
Tomorrow is our final day of filming, and a strong feeling of nostalgia has grabbed maintain of me. I attempt to consolation myself by saying I’ll see all of them once more, however I do know full effectively that’s not true. For months, I’ve been gathering the tales of those survivors, and for the final seven weeks we now have recorded them and filmed them going about their each day lives. Immediately, I’m leaving and carrying their tales with me, and can do my finest to tease them out within the modifying room. I’m additionally carrying their confidences, and the legacy of their reminiscences, their struggling, and their misery, in order that I can present the world the true nature of violence. Its ugliness. Its brutality. The best way it eats away at us from the within and destroys us. In order that it may possibly lastly finish.
December 8 2022, 11:55 PM
Manufacturing: Finish of the final day of of filming
The second the ultimate “lower” is claimed, Dominique, who facilitates the group conferences, begins to talk, to acknowledge us. She acknowledges the big quantity of labor it took to achieve the arrogance of everybody on the shelter: staff and residents alike. She talks in regards to the problem of integrating into an unfamiliar and secret surroundings like this one, then introducing a microphone, a digital camera, and a movie crew. Later, she confides to me the doubts and worries she had in regards to the venture. My response was easy: “Bringing a digital camera right into a shelter is a large problem, however deep down I by no means had my doubts. I knew I’d be capable to handle, as a result of I all the time believed within the venture.”
Immediately, as I depart this place, I do know all its nooks and corners, and I really feel like I’ve been absorbed into its partitions, and on the similar time, as if I’ve absorbed them. Will I ever come again to this home? When will I’ve the chance to see these ladies once more? How will they modify and develop? Simply as we’re leaving, Mariane, one of many residents, calls out, “You’ll come again to see us, proper? With out the digital camera?” These ladies, these fighters, will stick with me ceaselessly.